Jeanne Viray reading ‘mahal ang magmahal’

Mahal ang magmahal.
I have moved my card
to my pocket.
Easier to reach.
Not as far as my wallet,
six feet into my bag,
pushing daisies.
Mahal ang magmahal.

Mahal = coffee,
a McNugget. Oatmeal.
I moved my card
to my pocket, thinking,
surely, ok lang.
Pero pera ko ‘to.
I worked hard
for that money.
So hard for it, honey.
Ang mahal magmahal.

I should put my card
back in my wallet.
Deaden it. Isolate it.
Bury it.
But oh,
it gives me chocolates,
flowers, earrings,
Breadtop, tickets,
Mykis, time,
ballets, gasoline,
serotonin, Jeanette Winterson,
rainbows, dried mango,
umbrellas, perspectives,
tattoos (ten),
shoes (seventeen),
kisses, souls,
moments to swoon to,
songs to croon to,
arms that bear, and choices, too.
They all hide
behind the way I make
the same mistakes.
Mahal ang magmahal, pero
it gives me chances.

Ay, mahal,
It’s been years.
I have taken out
my card so many times.
I should put you back
in my wallet.

Or else: remit.
Put it all under the bed.
Don’t let me touch it.
Mahal ang magmahal.

Save it from me. Saklolo!
This, a summer typhoon.
This, the brown-out.

Mahal ang magmahal.
To love is expensive.
Cut me off.

Glossary

Mahal ang magmahal: It is expensive to love.

surely, ok lang: This is okay.

Pero pera ko ‘to: But this is my money.

Ang mahal magmahal: It is so expensive to love.

Ay, mahal: Oh, my love.

Saklolo!: Help!

Jeanne Viray was born in Manila and migrated to Melbourne at a young age. She likes iced tea, fairytales, polvoron, and mimicking voices. Her work has appeared in Voiceworks, DjedPress, F*EMSZINE, Monash University’s Verge, Lot’s Wife, and Incisors & Grinders. She likes writing speculative things as a way to reflect (mostly) human experiences. Find her on Twitter @specjv.