Madhvi Thakur reading ‘English to Hindi - A Pocket Dictionary’

Years later
the Hindi bedtime stories he has told me,
word by word
start to pile up
on the tip of my English tongue.
Heavy, I sit retelling them to strangers

who have never closely known,
my father or his stories 

or browsed through
an English to Hindi Pocket dictionary 

or taken note of
the errors in my re-telling. 
As broken as his English.                                        

'I am the custodian of these stories'
I convince myself so I can steal them
then mould them beautifully
to sound sophisticated and supreme
to a stranger’s ear. 

‘A for apple, B for Ball’ repeat after me
‘English is Supreme’ they said
‘She speaks English like a foreigner’ they applauded
‘Recite us one of the Angrezi poems you learned in school’ they asked 
holding their pocket dictionaries. 

English to Hindi, a poem 
The first birthday gift I bought for my father                             
out of his pocket to mine.                                                             
An English to Hindi pocket dictionary                                                  
worth 50 rupee.
The pocket money he gave us every month
saved twice
for words to be understood
and spoken
in his broken English.

'एक नया शब्द सीखना,एक नया दरवाजा खोलने जैसा है
एक नई भाषा सीखने से, इतने सारे दरवाजे बंद हो जाते हैं 

My mind's home is Hindi
but my tongue
is in love with a stranger.
My father is my mind
My tongue is me
My mind is me
My tongue fails to speak to him
Tongues only confuse.

Helpless, I sit sharpening the same tongue 
before bed,
honing it with the honesty that is native 
to me, my mind, and my father. 
so, his bedtime stories 
can look less of a theft. 

Glossary/Translation

Angrezi: English

'एक नया शब्द सीखना,एक नया दरवाजा खोलने जैसा है
एक नई भाषा सीखने से, इतने सारे दरवाजे बंद हो जाते हैं 

learning a new word is like opening a new door
learning a new language shuts so many' 

Madhvi Thakur is a writer, copy-writer, and sometimes a ghostwriter. Gender, sexuality and culture are three themes that define most of her work.